Oct 2005

Got a bus to Uyuni. Another awful Bolivian bus. This one featured a massive dog on it (yes there was a women with her dog on the seat next to her while other locals were standing room only!?). As usual after all the seats were full the driver drove round the town and picked up people to fill the aisle and spill onto the seats. I had someone virtually sitting on my lap (well definately my arm rest) and another women on the floor between the seats! To top it off our mates had their bag nicked which contained his passport and 600 quid camera! We went to the police station and in my Spanish I got them to reluctantly fill out a police claim which he did on a typewriter -I haven`t seen one of these for years outside of an antique store. You can guess he didn´t really think we would see it again. It has made us more careful as we were getting quite relaxed about security.

Uyuni is a town in the middle of the desert where from one edge of town you can see all the way down the street to the other end! Only stayed one night cos it gets bloody freezing after sunset, ate in the only pizza place and booked a tour to go and see the vast salt lakes and desert of south west Bolivia. Easily the best highlight of our trip so far.

The 3 day tour was by a jeep over the massive salt planes, deserts and mountains. The place is amazing, scenes like nothing else on this planet, infact in wasn`t too dissimilar to how you`d imagine the surface of the moon or other planets. You also felt completely deserted seeing only faint dust tracks in the distance of other 4x4 landrovers speeding over the sand. Rach took so many awesome photos. However we stayed in some pretty basic accomodation where it dropped to -10 celsius overnight as we were at about 5000m above sea level and in the desert!

Brought wine with us so spent the evenings huddled around a candle with mates drinking wine and playing travel scrabble (does anybody know if tofus is the plural of tofu - this would resolve an argument?) We drank Chillian wine as Bolivian wine tastes like ribena crossed with cheap vodka.

Met a couple who were on another jeep. They had run across a jeep stranded in the middle of the desert because the driver was so out of his head on cocane that the tourists had taken the keys off him. He had then in response taken the HT lead out of the jeep so they were having a standoff at 10pm in the desert about what to do. Thankfully the other jeep rescued the tourists and left the driver with the car. The police came and picked him up the next day. Note - the favourite in the Bolivian prsediential race to be concluded in November wants to legalise the growing of coca plants, won´t that make Bolivia even more fun!

Didn`t wash for days as there was only cold cold water but made it to the Bolivian border and crossed into Chile - our mates had to turn back as with no passports they are on their way back to the British embassy for help.

Arrived in the town no problems. A complete change to Potosi, as it was heaving. First thing I did was to have a hot dog from a street vendor - probably not a good idea because I was nearly sick again and went straight to bed.

Woke up the next day without any altitude problems so we explored the town. Lovely city with white stone buildings and Spanish red roofs. Actually a Bolivian city that looked finished! We soon found the backpacker hangout ´Joy Ride Cafe´ which sold absolutely spot on Coronation Chicken sandwiches and wicked home brew! We bummed around for a day then went on a mountain bike tour to an area called the 7 waterfalls. Rach isn´t much of a biker so we were sold on this trip because they said that once you got out of town it was pretty much flat and then the last bit was all down hill leaving a 30 minute walk to the waterfalls. They lied, unless 'flat' in Spanish translates to 'steep rolling hills' all the way and '30 min walk' really means 'scramble up cliffs, at one stage we had to climb a vertical face to reach our destination!? Rach was knackered so ended up leaving her bike at the waterfall place and getting a lift back by car. (Being the man I rode all the way - it was pretty fun actually). The waterfall place was amazing, although instead of the crystal clear blue water we`d been led to expect it was a cold and brown lagoon as it had been raining! We still braved the water and went swimming though.

We also visited the local cement quary where they have discovered huge dinosuar tracks. It is a really important discovery, but this being Bolivia, the company just keeps on blasting the rock so the tracks are getting destroyed slowly (it will cost 8 million to preserve but no one has yet come up with the money) slightly geeky but the photos look good of me by a T-Rex footprint.

We stayed in Sucre an extra day because our friend had hurt her back and spent all day in bed and couldn´t face a standard Bolivian bus journey. We used the time to have a romantic meal in the Swiss Restauarnt - had a fondue and the best Roshtie (Ruth, Spelling?) of our lives.

We spent the mornig after the flight in the airport waiting for some friends on another flight to catch up with us at midday. This gave me the opportunity to go to Burger King at the airport! This was the first fast food I have had since getting to South America so a pretty big moment for me. Rach had trouble eating it because of her teeth so had to cut the Whopper up with a plastic knife and fork!

We then spent the afternoon in the "100% Fake English Bar" in the centre of La Paz. They had the Portsmouth Game on (we bloody lost) but I did get to drink PG tips (5 cups although with dodgy milk) and eat beans on toast(not heinz though)! Unfortuately this made me even more homesick.

That evening we got a night bus straight out to Potosi. We had gone for the most expensive ticket we could find to get a bus with a toilet, but no, as soon as we got onboard we were told it was out of order - ahhhhhh. Another 12 hours having to ask the driver to stop at the side of the road and having to wee whilst trying to fend off stray packs of dogs.

Arrived in Potosi on Sunday morning so it was pretty dead and we spent the afternoon wandering and reading. However it was bloody cold as Potosi is the highest city in the world, nearly 5000m! However to top it all off, about midnight that night I woke up sweating, then shivering etc etc etc. Yes, you´ve guessed it I got altitude sickness again! We had flown straight in from the jungle and it only takes a couple of days for the body to readjust to sea level, so even though I was on the pills I was in bed all day. Missed the trip to the Silver mine and couldn´t eat.

However we had planned to leave the town at 4pm that day, so Rach had to pack my bag and wrap me up warm and then help me out into the cold to a taxi. It was quicker and only a couple of quid more expensive to go by taxi the 3 hours to the next town of Sucre so I held onto my guts and suffered a pretty bad journey. Worst of all because I have the best Spanish I had to try and make conversation with the driver to ensure he didn´t fall asleep at the wheel when all I wanted to do was sleep (I think I was pretty lucky to make it through the night!)

One of the reasons we did the bike thing was because we thought it was safer to do that than get the bus down the road to our next journey. What we didn`t know was that the bike ride only takes off a little bit and you still have an 18 hour bus ride ahead of you to get to the Amazon Basin.

We thought it would be quick and flat, but no, of course not, this is the Andies and the road was still just a dirt track carved out of the moutnainside so that whenever we had to pass a truck the bus was driven so close to the edge that from the window you couldn´t see the road, only the drop to your death. Also we knew that to take busses at night meant you had a deathwish, but not knowing how long the journey was (and not being able to find out) most of it was at night! Although we got there we had to stop for 3 flat tyres, 2 drug check points, some au-natural toilet breaks and some very dodgy looking engineering underneath the bus where I believe they may have been trying to beat the axle back into alignment.

Made it to Rurre in the jungle and settled in - nice town, safe good bars and really built for tourists. We got a five day jungle trip sorted and headed off into the wild. Now I´m not much of a jungle person, I am a bit like that bloke off the Fast Show who works in a zoo but jumps everytime an animal comes near him. Thats me with flying things, and believe me the jungle has some huge flying things. Thankfully I covered myself in DEET spray so avoided the mosquiotos and we sort of did quite a nice trip, no camping for us, we stayed in wooden huts under mosquito nets.

Spent 3 days on one of the rivers and then a couple trecking through thr jungle, all pretty good stuff, loads of animals, photos and things, including watching sunset at a bar which has been built for tourists in the jungle - its not really what Micheal Palin would have done is it!

The motorised canoe trip further into the junge to our camp was amazing. We saw loads of wildlife including strange jungle animals that don`t even have english names but can only be described as crosses between animals we know e.g. a pig/rat! The amount of wildlife we saw was( definately helped by the fact that our guide was fluent in jungle animal language - he literally called the monkeys out of the trees to the edge of the river!. What was most impressive (and scary considering "river swimming" was on the adgenda for the next day) was how many aligators we saw! They were lurking in the water under fallen branches and dotted about on the bank every few meters! It was even more impressive at night when the aligators eyes were bright red (reflecting our touch light). All you could just see was red eyes poking out of the water everywhere staring at you!

We heard about a couple of guys who got an unofficial tour with a mate of a mate of a hoitel owner. Their trip consisted of going out with a couple of shifty poachers who drove them by boat 7 hours into the jungle, proceeded to shoot an endangered monkey out of a tree with the gun he was for some reason carrying, then cut the thing up and used it as bait for them to catch their dinner! They had to spend the first night on their boat as it was the only place they felt safe from all the creatures since mosquito nets were not available!

To be honnest the jungle is huge, and unless you want to put yourselves in danger like those guys, you get to see all the good stuff (oversized eveything! - trees, leaves, insects!) whilst also living a bit more comfortably. Although we had a go at fishing for Pyranhs, our group had 2 guides and a cook who spent all day back at the huts preparing food for us! That is what camping in the jungle is all about.

Went back to Rurre to try and get a flight out to La Paz so we didn´t have to do the death road in reverse. Not bad, slight hitches with them wanting to put us on different planes, but we got on the same flight in the end.

It wasn´t like a normal flight - firstly the plane only had 12 seats and you sat behind the pilot so it was more like one of the planes used for a scenic New York city tour, secondly the airstrip was grass in the middle of the jungle.

We met at the airline shop in town where we got a bus with all the people that worked in the shop. When we got to the airport they then became the people who checked us in. When that was done they went outside, put on yellow jackets and guided the plane into land, next the same people unloaded and loaded the plane and then helped it take off!

It was a brillitant (if bumpy) flight over the jungle, especially as it took ages for the plane to climb up to the height of La Paz, in fact we climbed the whole way!

To get out of La Paz we booked a bike tour down the worlds most dangerous road. This goes from La Paz to Corica and drops about 3000m in about 50km (or something silly). It is the most dangerous road because they have the most deaths a year, and it is also the worlds most fucking stupidest road. It is single track, made of dust and rock and cut into the side of the moutain with a vertical drop of about 400m off the left hand side most of the way - and by vertical I mean straight down.

They next allow double decker buses and huge trucks to use the thing. When they meet one of them has to do this sort of kamakazi reverse into the nearest passing spot, I swear I saw one lorry do this, smash into the mountain and then get almost the whole of one of his wheels off the edge, I wanted to video it incase the thing toppled over the side. Oh and where was I at the time, right beside it about 50cm from the axle holding onto my bike and praying that I lived.

To be honest some of the road is ok, nothing but dirt, but spectacular scenery. The problem we had was the mist came down and most of the corners are blind bends so not only do you have to worry about falling off, you have to worry about being hit by oncoming traffic.

To top it all off Rach was really ill that day so struggled to keep her insides in most of the journey. Obviously we made it ok and spent to night in a lovely hotel with a swimming pool playing pool with some mates. We also then got told the horro stories about other travellers by our bike guide for the day - stories of people falling off the edge or coming off their bikes to disfigure them sselves on the moutain (it is all down hill so you go pretty fast). I´m glad he only told us this at the end